btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
