You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
