I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
