my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
