That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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