wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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