just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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