Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
