also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
