You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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