drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
