things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
jump out the window naked night went bad
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