I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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