It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
