hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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