She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
