He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
