I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
