you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
