We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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