it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
