How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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