drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
