jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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