yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
