Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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