i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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