Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
