I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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