Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
