Jerry, you need to find god
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
