Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
