I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
