careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
