This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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