Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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