So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
