i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
