dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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