508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
please come you make the beer taste better
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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