I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
