I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
