Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
