Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
