I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
