There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
