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i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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