Me. At least after what I've been through.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
