thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I deserve this hangover.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
