Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
