just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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