So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
